


Toast To The Future, But That'd Be Lie

by orphan_account



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-05-19
Updated: 2001-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-15 18:58:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Walking down the aisle....





	Toast To The Future, But That'd Be Lie

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Disclaimers: The West Wing and it's characters are the  
property of Aaron Sorkin, Warner Brothers and NBC. No  
copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being  
made from this. The song "Champagne High" is the  
property of Sister Hazel and Universal Records. No  
copyright infringement is intended there either. 

Rating: G 

Author's Notes: The beginning of this may seem vaguely  
familiar. It is taken directly from one of my previous  
stories. "For the Million Hours that We Were." I have  
greatly changed the ending though. I want to thank Lin  
and Kat for beta reading this, and for helping to  
convince me this story and the othes that will follow  
are actually good. It is only because of them that you  
are reading this, when I started writing this I had no  
intention of posting it to the list. 

Feedback: Would be very nice.

****

****

Toast to the Future but That'd Be a Lie 

 

I wasn't looking for a lifetime with you  
I never thought it would hurt just to hear  
"I do" and "I do"  
And I do a number on myself  
And all that I thought to be  
And you'll be the one  
Who just left me undone  
By my own hesitation

To say that news of their engagement had shocked him  
would be a monumental understatement. He had been  
completely blind sided by it. All the signs had been  
there, but he had not seen them. Or if he had, he  
refused to recognize them. He thought of refusing to  
go. She would certainly understand if he did. But he  
couldn't do that to her. It would open them up to  
questions, ones he was certain neither of them wanted  
to answer. So in a few hours he would watch the woman  
he loved marry another man. 

The woman he loved. It was easy to admit to himself  
that he loved her. Maybe it was because he had loved  
her for so long. It was difficult to imagine a time  
when he had not loved her, at least on some level.  
There was a time when he had been certain she loved  
him as well. But that time was long past. It was too  
hard for them to be together. They had nearly  
destroyed each other when they tried. He guessed he  
should be glad that she had the possibility to be  
happy. Maybe somewhere inside of himself he was, but  
he couldn't help but wish she could be happy with him.

The church was decorated beautifully. As he sat on  
the pew, he couldn't help but think of when she had  
been his. He still missed her. There were so many  
things about her that he missed, but it was the little  
things he missed the most. Waking up next to her in  
the mornings, falling asleep with her in his arms at  
night. He often wondered if they had just let go too  
easily. Maybe if they had tried harder they would  
still be together. It was a question he was going to  
live with for the rest of his life. Perhaps if he had  
spoken to her, if he had been open about how he really  
felt. She wouldn't have left. He glanced around and  
could see the groom standing at the altar. It would  
not be long until the ceremony started. He couldn't  
help but wonder if he had actually spoken with her if  
things would be very different now. The music started,  
and he turned and saw her standing in the doorway. The  
sight took his breath away, she looked so beautiful.  
He wished that he were the one standing at the altar  
waiting for her. 

And for the million hours that we were  
Well I'll smile and remember it all  
Then I'll turn and go 

It had taken everything in Toby not to object when  
the priest had asked if there were any objections, but  
he hadn't. There was no way he would have done that to  
CJ. She had made her choice and now he had to live  
with it. He was almost certain that the President had  
been looking at him during that point of the ceremony.  
He didn't know why, unless the President knew about  
his and CJ's past relationship. It wouldn't surprise  
Toby if the President did know. CJ had been looking  
straight at the priest at that moment, but he was  
certain that she had tensed up. Maybe she was afraid  
that he would ruin her wedding day by making a scene.  
No matter how he felt, there was no way he would have  
done that to her. 

She was dancing with Josh at the moment. Toby could  
hear her laughter from across the room. He knew that  
she wouldn't be dancing with him today. It didn't  
bother him. It would be too strange to dance with her  
on the day she had married another man. The song ended  
and Toby watched her sit down next to...her husband.  
The very words were hard for him to think, but he knew  
he had to get used to them. After a couple of minutes,  
she got up and appeared to be walking toward him. He  
couldn't believe this was happening, but as she  
extended her hand toward him, he knew it was. He stood  
up and took her in his arms one last time. 

Your wagon's been hitched to a star  
Well now he'll be your thing that's new  
Yeah what little I have you can borrow  
Cause I'm old, (I'm old) I'm blue 

They danced in silence for a little while. Finally,  
Toby broke the silence. 

"I'm surprised you are doing this." Toby said. 

"What? Dancing with you?" 

"Yeah." 

"It would have looked strange if I hadn't." 

"Yeah, I guess it would have." 

"I half expected you to object." CJ whispered. 

"You did, why?" Toby asked, shocked. 

"I don't know. I just did." 

"Did you really think I would ruin your wedding day? 

"Even if..." 

"What, CJ?" 

"Nothing, never mind." 

"Okay." 

They continued to dance in silence for the rest of  
the song. Then as it ended, CJ slipped from his arms  
and walked away. 

Toby walked immediately to his office. He had  
suffered through the reception as long as he could. He  
was going home, where he could brood and drink in  
private. He picked up a few things from the desk and  
noticed a letter from CJ laying on the desk. He put it  
into the briefcase with the rest of the stuff and left 

I'm on a champagne high  
Where will I be when I stop wondering why?  
On a champagne high  
Toast to the future but that'd be a lie  
On a champagne high-high 

Toby looked at the glass of scotch in his hand. He  
shouldn't do it, but maybe alcohol would help him make  
it through this night. Maybe it would block out the  
images in his mind. He was staring at the letter. He  
wondered why she would have written a letter to him on  
the day of her wedding. He reached for the envelope  
and opened it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

My dearest Toby,  
It's three o'clock in the morning on the day I am to  
be married. As I sit here wide awake in my living  
room, you are the only one in my thoughts. Twelve  
hours before I am to marry another man, and my mind is  
filled with thoughts of you. It's ironic, isn't it?  
No, I really don't want an answer to that question.  
I sit here and stare at the ring on my left hand, and  
do you know what I wish? I wish that you were the one  
that had placed it on my hand.  
When I remember us, I remember the good times. I  
remember the nights we stayed up making love, how you  
used to be able to make me laugh, how I would be able  
to make you laugh. I remember that I loved you with  
all my heart and soul then. I don't like to recall the  
bad times. I don't like to think of the fights that  
would go on for days, how angry we would get at each  
other. How much we could hurt each other....no if  
those times cross my mind, I immediately think of when  
we would make up. I miss those times, they almost made  
the fights worthwhile.  
You are probably wondering why I am writing this. So  
am I. Maybe it's because I'm so unsure of what I'm  
planning to do tomorrow. The sad thing is I love both  
of you. I consider myself fortunate to have known two  
men, who have loved me almost unconditionally, in my  
life.  
I don't know how much sense this letter is making to  
you, truthfully it is making little sense to me and  
I'm the one writing it. What I'm really trying to say  
is I don't know what to do. No matter what I do in a  
few hours, one of you will be hurt. I don't want to  
hurt either of you. If I'm true to myself, then I will  
end up with the man I love the most. If not than I  
will settle for a man I love, but not as much as I  
love the other. The truth is I don't know how much of  
me there is to give to him, you have it all.  
Love,  
CJ  
P.S. If you were to decide you can't watch me go  
through with it, and were to state your objections, I  
wouldn't complain *too* much. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sighing, Toby folded the letter. He picked up the  
container of scotch and poured himself another drink.  
He silently toasted his stupidity from earlier in the  
day. If he had read the letter earlier, he knew he  
could have prevented CJ from marrying Danny. 

The end.

  


End file.
